Harper’s Video Streaming Goes Blockbuster

Rumor has it that the Conservative Party of Canada will launch the Stevie Awards to honor and celebrate this year’s best video.

Rumor has it that the Conservative Party of Canada will launch the Stevie Awards to honor and celebrate this year’s best video.

The Canadian video industry got a shot in the arm today when the Harper government announced it would allocate taxpayer funds so that all Conservative MPs can make their own videos to promote the government.

The Harper spokesperson who made the surprise announcement anonymously applauded Canada’s film community for their enthusiastic response, adding that, “It means we’ll never again have to pay those greedy public servants double time to do this work.”

Previously, only Harper and his cabinet got money to produce videos touting Conservative accomplishments. The move comes amidst rumors that Conservative MPs had protested an earlier plan that would only allow them to produce trailers.

Meanwhile, the Canadian video industry is said to be ecstatic. As one improvised— sorry, impoverished—video maker gushed, “Who knew that Stevie would be the one to bring Hollywood North back to Canada?”

Another expressed alarm, arguing the MPs wouldn’t respect her need for artistic control, dramatically letting it be known that, “I freeze my own frames, I decide on my own flashbacks.”

Weekend workshops that promise maximum access for videographers to this new moneymaking genre are popping up across Canada. Workshops will include close up sessions on how to craft effective pitches to the Conservative Party itself, which is said to have complete production control.

Attendees will learn that the POV— Point of View— is set in advance for every single production and that there are no transitions. Everyone must attend the session on montaging, as sweeping montages of patriotic Canadian themes, liberally peppered with stock photos of Harper, are mandatory. Voice-over narration is acceptable, as long it does not include an MP’s inner thoughts. Reverse angles, most often used to give a scene a fresh perspective, should be used with caution.

Scriptwriters, however, are not as happy. Since all the dialogue is exactly the same from one MP’s video to another, there is nothing in this bonanza for them.

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