The Bombkill Institute, a Canadian public relations and lobbying firm that champions the Canadian arms industry, hosted a backgrounder for Ottawa media yesterday, entitled “What Canada Can Learn from Saudi Arabia.” Best known for its influential workshop series, “Selling Guns: A Profession or a Lifestyle?” the Bombkill Institute has been quick to capitalize on the growing interest in Canada’s $15 billion arms sale to the Saudis.
Martin “Rat-a-Tat” Bombkill, the Institute’s founder, struck an uplifting tone with reporters, as he explained the advantages of closer ties with the Arab Kingdom at a session where the Annihilate Center provided security.
“When people talk arms sales, they naturally talk job creation,” he said, “but that’s an old foxhole. I’m here to tell you about the benefits all those gutless liberals don’t like to talk about.
“For starters, we have a clogged up justice system, delay, delay, delay. The Saudis don’t have that. In Saudi, you’re busted, you’re guilty and you’re dead. Has a fabulous impact on the crime rate.
“Yes, they do a lot of public beheading, but that’s their approach to managing prison costs. Meanwhile, we stick with solitary confinement and that is very expensive.
“Homos have no rights in Saudi meaning Saudi entrepreneurs have cornered the global market on sales of castration chemicals and bull whips. There’s got to be branch plant opportunities there for some lucky Canadian businessman.
“Canada has an Office for Religious Freedom, but in Saudi, they have religious police. Again, one step ahead of us!
“And, let’s just blow away that women and driving nuisance. Officially, women can’t drive there, but that’s because they’re not allowed out on their own. What are they supposed to do, drive around their kitchens? Anyway, bets on the Saudi car accident rate are far below ours?”
As the session closed, reporters trailed after Mr. Bombkill with a fusillade of questions related to Saudi interrogation tactics and political prisoners, until Annihilate Center security made short work of a reporter who raised the question of Saudi democracy.