The other day, while waiting for the Caucus to convene, I read an article in The New Yorker by Andy Borowitz, who reported on a new strain of fact-resistant humans. These are people who cannot absorb facts.
As soon as I read the words “fact-resistant humans,” I knew that our own dear leader Stephen Harper had been afflicted with the disease. I wanted to warn him immediately and advise him to see a doctor, but I knew it would be useless.
Because, you see, Stephen doesn’t realize that he has the disease. Since he can’t absorb facts, he doesn’t know that he can’t absorb facts. Thus, he can’t see the effect of his policy decisions.
For example, even though over 800 scientists documented the results of human-caused climate change, Stephen abolished almost the whole body of Canadian legislation protecting our environment. Then he proceeded to burn all the scientific documentation of our environment. Then he started calling his critics names – like “radical environmentalist.” Then he ordered tax audits of environmental groups.
As one of the more progressive voices in Caucus, I had already become fearful for Stephen, especially when he cancelled the long-form census against the advice of many experts and his chief who resigned. It seemed petty at the time, but now I see it was an early symptom of the resistance-to-facts disease.
But now this: Climate change denial! Book burning! Slandering Canadians! Abuse of power!
OMG! I just didn’t know what to think. But now I know: It’s not Stephen’s fault. He’s just really, really sick with this fact-resistant disease, not a fascist like I was starting to worry.
I conferred with Dr Sheila Green, a Canadian scientist at the Centre for the Study of Climate Change Denial. She was very informed about the American study, but says her research has shown that the causes of the fact-resistant disease are genetic. Her research reveals that the disease is quite prevalent (>60%) among white men with grey hair-caps and bad singing voices.
I asked Dr Green about a cure. While American scientists hope that deprivation of water, oxygen and food might trigger a change, Dr Green is not so optimistic. She says the only option is to vote Stephen out of office. Deprived of the oxygen of power, he will fade away.
How am I going to tell Stephen?