New Terror Vaccine Promises Instant Fix for Democracy

C-laboratoryBreaking News: Scientists long forbidden by the Harper government to speak publicly have been sitting in frustrated silence for months, unable to reveal to Canadians and the world the earth-shattering news that they have developed an anti-terror vaccine.

The vaccine has an immediate effect on humans: They are no longer terrorized by reports of terrorism or by threats of terrorism. Equally beneficial, their ability to reject government-sanctioned propaganda about terrorists and terrorism increases. Over 75% of vaccinated subjects said “not terrorism” when shown staged scenarios depicting supposedly mentally ill people shooting victims, no matter how loudly the shooters shouted religious or political slogans.

Reports leaked to Humans vs Harper show that, after the vaccine’s successful preclinical development phase, it was considered reasonably safe for initial use in humans.

Researchers did face some early difficulty in eliminating unmentionable yet near monolithic cultural biases from their research design. Subject recruitment was also unusually difficult – potential subjects had to be screened out for groundless, yet overpowering fear, which left a very small pool of those who could demonstrate the ability to think rationally. The stymied researchers almost gave up hope.

However, their unrelenting efforts to discover the source of such behaviors resulted in an effective and inexpensive antidote—a hitherto unknown vitamin T, found in common starches, which gives new meaning to “stiffen your spine.” According to our sources, the drug will be supplied in a one-time-only, single-dose tablet with different doses for children, adults, and the elderly.

Acting instantly on the central nervous system, the vaccine will strengthen the body’s values system. It will both eliminate a shallow understanding of all forms of religious dogma and allow the mind to effectively fight off dangerous or preposterous political ideas. As trials continue, the vaccine’s only side effect is that all those immunized automatically begin to vote in federal elections. An earlier side effect that saw subjects strongly display a preference for the Liberal or NDP party has been eliminated.

4 thoughts on “New Terror Vaccine Promises Instant Fix for Democracy

  1. Listen to me! This government, this Conservative Party of Canada has dragged this country back 20 years. Virtually every enterprise, from science and R&D to employment and the economy, everything this guy has touched, has turned to shit in his hands.
    With the ability to harness the retard vote, the stupid people of this country, Harper has been able to gain power and attempt to drag back this country to a place that those unwilling to grow with the times, those who can’t face the future with enough courage to mold our destinies as Canadians and that of a country, to some halcyon 50’s Leave It to Beaver town dream world, that never really did exist, except in their own minds.
    These people can’t cope. The “elite” they talk about, those who “rule” over their world with liberal values against their will, consists of anyone walking around with any thing more than a grade 10 high school diploma. ta

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    • We’re listening, Ted and thank you for connecting. We agree with everything you’re saying except, sometimes, your choice of words is not the best. You may not know, but the word ‘retard’ has been considered de-humanizing by people who live with mental handicaps for some time now. It would be good if you could take it out of your vocabulary. You actually never know when a person with a mental handicap might be hearing you. Also, there’s no reason to characterize people by their level of education. Our talents and skills and our ability to cope and inspire is about much more than our formal education.

      All the best to you, Ted.

      HvH

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      • Right on HVH – When the insults start flying a whole lot of us stop listening. What would be useful is to convince all of us who aren’t terrified by Harpers tactics to vote – there are easily enough of us to change the government!

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