Harper’s Grand New Scheme for Jobs and Votes

Harper and TP Beer 3“It doesn’t look like the price of oil is going up any time soon so we’ve gotta diversify our economy. Even though I know it’s politically incorrect for a Conservative government to meddle in the business of choosing winners, I just can’t resist this Tailings Pond Beer idea.

“I know it will work. Not just here in Alberta. With our patented tailings pond refining technology, we can open refineries all across Canada — from coast to coast — and even around the world. There are tailings ponds everywhere just waiting to be refined into Tailings Pond Beer. It’ll be a mini industrial revolution!

“But we’ve got to get ahead of the game. Once this idea gets out, the competition could get fierce. After all, they have to get rid of their tailings ponds too. Hey, maybe we should buy them up in advance. Nah, I think I’d have a rebellion on my hands. We’ll just finance a private sector company to do it.

“This would solve so many problems: more money for hairdos, photographers, war machines (I really like those new killer drones), and shutting down environmental terrorists. And if it works, think about the jobs that will be created. Just think about the votes!

“Btw, I hope this new photographer is getting good pictures. The last one just didn’t get me. I’m a nerd who got to be prime minister and I get to have my hair done and my clothes picked out for me, just like on Down Town Abbey, and I’m going to milk it for all it’s worth. Or should I say ale it? I want the best and lots of it. If I could, I would record every minute of every day, yes every minute, of my life, just like Mike Duffy did in his diaries. I don’t know how he does it. Too bad I threw him under the bus; he could have given me some useful tips. Oh well, at least I’ll have the photographic record.”

5 thoughts on “Harper’s Grand New Scheme for Jobs and Votes

  1. I can see Harper going from door to door to hand out bottles of rum… shame on you Harper you are a disgrace

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  2. Pingback: Tailings Pond Beer Gets Caucus Approval | Humans vs Harper

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