In the first episode of the Tailings Pond Beer series, Harper decided that since the economy is doing so poorly because of falling oil prices, Tailings Pond Beer would solve all his problems.
As usual the Caucus has been bullied into acceptance and has no choice but to go along with the idea, but not before some members expressed their concern about their dry ridings and how were they going to explain this alcoholic enterprise to their constituents. Others were worried about how it was going to look to their capitalist supporters.
Harper told them:
“Don’t worry. Tailings Pond Beer is going to save Canada. Eddie Norton, the industry minister, is devoting billions to this project, and, with the big tax breaks and interest free loans we’ll give investors, they’ll be banging down the doors to get in on the deal. We’ll be raking it in soon.
“And now that bitumen has tanked, we’re going to use the Energy East pipeline to transport the refined Tailings Pond Beer to the east. That would put some bottling jobs in our ridings in Ontario and Quebec and maybe even the Maritimes, although we’re keeping the refineries for Alberta, even if we have to pay a fine to the Koch brothers, who apparently have refining rights.
“The good news is we don’t have to have an environmental assessment on the pipeline and the National Energy Board won’t be involved either. As a bonus, pipeline residue will add a more intense bitumen flavour to the beer.
“I might even be able to retire, although with these new and ever expanding job numbers I’ll be Prime Minister till I die.”
Next episode: Harper launches his new beer to the Canadian public.