Confessions of a Stephen Harper Troll – Chapter 6

TrollRectangleFinally! My very first Troller. I sent it in over two weeks ago and I just got it back. It’s fully approved as of right now. Here it is:

“You don’t have a clue, do you? Why do I even bother with morons like you? Stephen Harper knows what he’s doing and you sure don’t. Obama saves Iran’s ass – my guy sees it for what it is – nuclear bullshit! My guy can pick out the bad guys at rifle range – that means before they come close, idiot. The borders are safe, the planes are safe, but people like you are never satisfied. Your mother was a Nipper hippiette, right. One day they’ll fly you and all your sissy friends to the moon and you’ll finally suck it. BTW, the Arctic isn’t melting just because you and Obama say so! Morons!!”

They added in the Iran bit because of that nukes deal where the ragheads get billions of dollars. Wish I could get even a buck for wearing a towel on my head.

Nothing Guy says they fucking hate that deal, but they can’t say too much about it cause it upsets people.

I say that’s chicken shit. If you can’t stand the heat, you’re not gonna keep the home fires burning.

Meanwhile, they already don’t like my name and they asked me to do something on external factors right away.

I said, “What’s an external factor?”

So Nothing Guy said, “You don’t know what an external factor is?”

Like he thinks I’m stupid, right.

So I said, “That is nothing you guys ever talked about. I know that. I pay attention, right.”

‘So, what the fuck is external factors?”

“OK, just calm down,” he said.

“External factors are stuff that happens out there and we can’t control it, so we can’t really deal with it. No, we can deal with it, but we can’t fix it till it goes away on its own.”

“Ok, so like the weather? You want me to say how we can’t control the weather? Everybody knows that, dude.”

“No, no don’t talk about the weather. That gets us into stuff that’s too complicated.

“We’re really talking about the economy going down right now – the external factors are things like China, Greece, the U.S. and kind of all around the world, and the oil and other stuff. Just money. Everything just starts going down.”

“Wait a minute – what’s this got to do with us here? Steve has been telling us for years that the whole world might be in deep shit but right here we’re doing better than anybody. Now he’s gonna stop taking care of us?

“Hey, by the way, did I tell you I might be moving to Alberta – $15 minimum wage?”

Next thing I know, the guy’s hanging up.

He says, “Never mind about the external factors – really do not do that. Ok?”

I’m saying calm down, but he’s already gone.

Little egg on the face there – that sure don’t look good on the bandwagon.


One thought on “Confessions of a Stephen Harper Troll – Chapter 6

  1. Pingback: Confessions of a Stephen Harper Troll – Chapter Seven | Humans vs Harper

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