Tailings Pond Beer Now on Tap!

In the second episode, Prime Minister Harper got approval from the Conservative Caucus for his Canada-saving brainstorm: Tailings Pond Beer (TPB).

Now Harper’s hosting an over-the-top launch with F-18s flying overhead, soldiers marching in the streets with Canadian flags and new TPB banners billowing in the wind. Humans vs Harper attended the launch.

Listen in:

Tailings Pond Beer No. 3 image“My dear Canadians – that is, the 25 per cent who voted for me – I proudly present Tailings Pond Beer, the beer that will save Canada (and my job heh heh).

“Rejoice Canada, for we are now the World Tailings Pond Beer Superpower due to our vast reserves of tailings ponds. International investors are clamouring to get in on our new refining technology. Restaurants, pubs and bars are ordering two-fours by the dozen.

“This invaluable resource is being refined in Alberta and shipped via pipelines all across Canada to bottling plants in every town in every province, creating thousands of new jobs just like we promised.

“TPB is already being lauded as the revolution of the century. Let me quote International beer critic Merry Hops:

‘The brand new Tailings Pond Beer is produced by the Canadian government and is being hawked around the country by Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Canadians are urged to support this unique industry to help with the ailing economy.’

tailingspond large“Ms Hops continues: ‘I’ve had a chance to taste the new beer. Cold and murky, it’s characterized by a metallic hop aroma, sugary graininess with distinctive greasy notes, and balanced by a dirty finish and unpleasant lingering bitterness. This beer will pair well with Tar Sands Sausage or Oily Duck à l’Orange. (The Alberta Tar Sands is already renowned for it’s oily ducks.)’”

“Look everyone, the critics love it,  the investors love it, I love it. You will love it too. So drink up for Canada!

“And remember, for every TPB two-four you buy, 80 per cent goes into government coffers and five new jobs are created in your area!”

One thought on “Tailings Pond Beer Now on Tap!

  1. Pingback: Tailings Pond Beer Failure | Humans vs Harper

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