Tailings Pond Beer Failure

Tailings Pond Beer No. 3 imageHvH has received leaked information about Harper’s recent dismissal. Documentation supporting his firing has surfaced enumerating in great detail the lies, corruption, and deception that led up to that fatal day.

One of the more illuminating reports was about Harper’s performance on the Tailings Pond Beer file. You may recall Harper made elaborate claims for this product, which was supposed to save the economy by creating refineries, pipelines, and bottling plants across the country. He launched the beer earlier this year saying, “We are the World Tailings Pond Beer Superpower.”

Harper was seen all across the country promoting (and drinking) the fowl tasting brew, accompanied by Merry Hops, the international beer critic. (Rumours abound about Harper and his travelling companion, but that’s another story.)

According to the report, every town with a bottling plant or refinery was visited and baptized as bottles of the tasty ale were flung against factory walls in celebration. F-18s flew overhead. Citizens were ecstatic. Jobs were plentiful. Tailings Pond Beer was flowing!

The stench of a cover-up, however, surfaced to rival the aroma of the beer itself. In order to keep the price down ($20.95 for a two-four), the Harper Beer Company (named by Harper himself) brought in Temporary Workers to work in the breweries. Secret legislation permitting the exemption from Canadian labour laws was buried in a 1000-page omnibus bill in the 2015 budget.

Reporters seeking basic facts on the file got no answers, as Harper claimed that the TPB formula, extraction methods and refining processes were all proprietary. Indeed, everything connected to the Harper Beer Company was classified TOP SECRET, and therefore unavailable through Access to Information.

Maybe you can hide Temporary Workers in cities (like the Royal Bank of Canada did) but you can’t hide Temporary Workers in towns.

And so it was that the whole project began to unravel.

Read more in the next episode.

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5 thoughts on “Tailings Pond Beer Failure

  1. Pingback: Tailings Pond Beer Takes Harper Down | Humans vs Harper

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