Confessions of a Stephen Harper Troll – Chapter 11

TrollRectangleSo, me and Spindog finally get out of our cells and get to go to the yard cept it’s not a yard anymore.

It’s a fresh air room – four fucking huge concrete walls with no roof. Guess what, they don’t give out umbrellas.

We’re hanging for maybe five minutes and this little guy comes over and starts yakkin at us.

He laughs when Spindog starts telling him what we’re in.

He yells out, “Hey guys, these fish are Harper cons.”

Nobody rushes over to find out all about it.

He then tells us we’re sitting in the biggest remand in North America.

“It’s bigger then 27 football fields and they’re saying there’s another 800 beds coming,” he says.

Dude sounds like he’s fucking proud.

What’s the deal with visiting, I ask? Thinking I could get my sister to come out to see me. Bring some cigs, bit of cash.

He says all the visits are by phone. People sign up and if they get the nod they can call and talk to us.

I ask him: “Are you saying that nobody here ever gets a real live visitor”?

“They say you see them cause it’s a video call,” he says.

Spindog and me just look at the guy.

He says, “Yeah, all the guys are totally pissed about it. Even that guy, Milgaard, is fighting it.”

“What guy is that?” Spindog asks.

“Milgaard’s that guy they had in jail for years when he was innocent,” he says.

“He got out, got paid off and he’s saying the videos are a slow way of killing people He was here last week. He told us they got the idea from Florida.”

“I bet they did.” Spindog says.

Next thing this fuckin huge horn goes off. Free up is done and we’re back to the block.

“I’d give my right ball for a spliff right about now,” I say.

“Yeah that’s us – the first Harper cons to cop a spliff in jail,” grunts Spindog.

“Right, that bell ain’t gonna ring too soon” I say. We is lookin at a dark night of the soul right here,dude.”

“My, my,” says Spindog with his shit ass grin. “You surprise me, Troll”.

“Don’t fuck with me, dude. I am not up for that “.

“But man, dark night of the soul: where did you get that”?

“It was in a song. Can’t remember who did it. Where the hell do you come from anyway?

“The actual thing is where are we going when we get out of here”?

Me, I’m feeling like I’m caught red handed with a lead balloon. I got myself and him in here and what the fuck for. They only let me do one damned troll – too fucking pussy to let folks sound off.

Right now, I’d love to hose Harper into the fucking melting pot. If he said so, I’d be here till I rotted.

“You know, Spindog, I remember that Milgaard story. He was just a kid and they railroaded him his Mama just never gave up and she got him out in the end.

“You’re breaking my heart,” he says.

“Didn’t think ya had one.”

“What the hell, Spin. When I get out, I’m might look him up. Anyhoo. with that minimum wage and all, I’m good to stay right here.”

“You still going to vote for Steve”?


“Wanna talk about it” ?


“Gonna vote for the Nippers”?

“Can’t say. Can’t say right now.”

So, then the fucking sprinklers go off. Everybody’s clapping and cheering. The racket is incredible.

I’m yellin what’s going on to the guy in the next cell. He is laughing his guts out.

Finally, he yells back, “We’re resisting, little fishy – resisting. Ever heard of that”.

Sadly, some possibly shattering news for the Troll’s most avid followers. We’ve been told that the Troll now unexpectedly finds himself in a life changing transition. As we all can understand, this will mean the Troll will be dealing with mental, emotional and spiritual challenges. In an apparent acknowledgement of this, the Troll has decided to step back until he finds a new, and perhaps more encouraging, role in life. While HvH hopes to bring readers an update on the eventual outcome of the Troll’s journey, only time will tell if we ever see the Troll’s return.


5 thoughts on “Confessions of a Stephen Harper Troll – Chapter 11

  1. I actually met David Milgaard in the late 1990s shortly after his release. He is sadly correct about Canada modelling on the US prison for profit system, instead of the Norway and other scandinavian ones that are now basically empty… because they don’t have cells and they have practically ended the repeat offender rate. we are modeling on the wrong nation

    please stay connected to real people as many ways as you can


    • Hi dykewriter, sorry to take so long to reply to your comment. We agree that Canada is modelling its prisons on the U.S. private sector model. As you know, they’re done the same with their changes to lengthen sentencing, deny parole and reduce access to pardons. At a time when many U.S. politicians are arguing that longer sentences haven’t worked and have disproportionately affected poor people and people of colour, we can expect Harper to do more of the same if he is re-elected


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