In this endless election campaign at Canadians’ expense, Harper’s daily announcements of boutique tax cuts to appeal to his base made us wonder about the boutique items he might not be telling us about: Perhaps some under-the-table cuts that could help out some of his more compromised friends?
Here are a few deductions we’ve heard whispers about:
- Conservative MP Dean Del Maestro and Senators Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin, and Patrick Brazeau, have spent thousands on legal fees to defend themselves against fraud charges. They have also served the Conservative Party well, raising millions for the party’s coffers. What better way to reward them than by permitting them to deduct their legal fees? Under the table, of course.
- Remember the $16 glass of orange juice? Since the Senate audits, poor, hardworking (sic) Conservative ministers and senators have to pay out of pocket for extra expenses like chauffeurs, limousines, hairdos, make-up artists, and hot breakfasts (only cold camembert allowed). They’re not allowed to include them in their travel claims so, according to an insider, Harper is giving them the go-ahead to deduct these extraneous expenses from their income tax claims.
- Some candidates behave badly (such as peeing in other people’s coffee cups and posting vulgar interviews on Facebook) and have to be ousted from the Party. But, hey, they’re still Conservatives and they have to be taken care of, so Harper will let them claim any costs associated with their actions such as medical expenses for the urinary tract infection, psychiatric services, and legal expenses defending against potential harassment charges.
- And what about the fellows behind the robocalls? Yes, one took the fall and went to jail; another got promoted while the third escaped to Kuwait. But, as our source reminded us, they helped Harper win the 2011 election. They can’t be abandoned now. Harper will let them claim their legal fees, airfares, and new wardrobes.
- An old pal of Harper’s, Bruce Carson, doubly a Con Man, went to work in Harper’s office with two fraud convictions under his belt. Now he is on trial for influence peddling. Behind closed doors, Harper’s aides have offered him special dispensation covering all his flights from South America where he was trying to hide out.
A special, secret agency will be set up to process these special, secret income tax claims.