Let’s just state the obvious: Only Stephen Harper would try to suppress the baby vote.
As we might imagine, the babies and puppies were easy to influence, so they – and we – owe a big debt of gratitude to the kittens. One rallied the troops by looking at Harper with a dead-eyed who-the-hell-do-you-think-you are stare. That’s all it took.
This is a crew of highly enthusiastic voters, especially once their needs are met.
With a dry diaper and a warm bottle, baby voters will go anywhere. The puppies always want to do it all, but they can leash that loveable tendency for the time it takes to mark their ballot.
While the concept of a leader is unimaginable to the kitten voter, she does have curiosity on her side and can be counted on to get the whole picture before she graces the polling booth with her presence. Noting that resentment does fuel the kitten vote; kittens and cats still feel bitter that Harper used them as a humanizing prop.
The top issues for these avid first time voters start with – no kidding – protection of the environment. Beyond that, their collective list of demands include onesies for all, free bite-sized jerky, subsidized pet dental care, and a national strategy to infuse everything with catnip.
Meanwhile, these voters have all pledged to vote against Harper. So, when you run into them at your polling station, make sure to give them a celebratory thumbs up!
As the election draws ever closer, Humans vs Harper will soon begin packing up our blog, so it’s a great time to bring you our final HvH slide show. While we still have a few more posts coming, here’s a trip down HvH Memory Lane showing many of the images that accompanied our posts. Since every picture says – at least – a thousand words, the slides will bring you thousands of reminders of why so many Canadians so immediately understood that we must stop Harper once and for all. Continue reading
Conservative Candidates don’t show up for all-candidates meetings in ridings all across the country. Someone orders them not to attend. Do the orders come from Harper himself, or is someone else pulling the strings?
Not showing up, however, is a prime ministerial tradition that Mr. Harper started all by himself. Here are some of the places we would expect leadership from the prime minister, but Harper just didn’t show up. Continue reading
In the first episode of the Tailings Pond Beer series, Harper decided that since the economy is doing so poorly because of falling oil prices, Tailings Pond Beer would solve all his problems.
As usual the Caucus has been bullied into acceptance and has no choice but to go along with the idea, but not before some members expressed their concern about their dry ridings and how were they going to explain this alcoholic enterprise to their constituents. Others were worried about how it was going to look to their capitalist supporters. Continue reading
Latest is they are looking for Tweet Trolls – ramping up. I actually got the news from my NG – NG stands for Nothing Guy cause the guy usually tells me nothing.
Meanwhile, me and SpinDog, my new bro, are really hitting it off. He’s got these places that are full of liberal zombies – that’s what he calls them.
Like the Toronto Star newspaper – talk about Brownies and Boy Scouts. Continue reading
Today, Humans vs. Harper reveals that Carding Security Impact Alliance (CSIA) has set up a carding project to track Conservative Party candidates.
CSIA, a new private sector entry in Canada’s prevention and protection services industry, will roll out the project in the weeks before the upcoming federal election. The company boldly promises to make voting crime free over the 2015 election campaign.
Tracey Grilling, a leading carding expert associated with the new project, agreed to an interview after HvH uncovered Skype tapes of CSIA planning meetings. Continue reading
Humans vs Harper has uncovered a secret Conservative Party memo detailing growing Party concerns about the number of policy and promise balloons Stephen Harper is launching prior to the fall election. Part of a backgrounder to prepare Party operatives for a pre-election Balloon Summit, the memo identified a short list of the Party’s priority concerns about the balloon count.
There are so many balloons floating around that the Party is losing track of its core campaign messaging set, a cardinal sin in campaign communications. In fact, the balloons are playing havoc with the public’s perception of the brand — round and colorful does not play well with the Party’s economic message. Continue reading